Wine report: It's called WHAT?

There is a growing breed of winemakers trying to break the mold of fusty respectability. They are using oddball names for their labels in order to grab casual drinkers and build brand recognition. On Thursday evening the Boston office held a competition to find the best-tasting wine with a funny or irreverent name. The judges rated the wines for name appeal on a scale of 1 (huh?) to 5 (HAH!). They also judged drinkability on a scale of 1 (um....) to 5 (YUM!).

The entrants who supplied the wine joined impartial tasters to form the panel of judges. This was a biased, non-blind tasting. Contestants could stuff the ballot box in their favor if they chose, but were cautioned that they might actually win the as yet unrevealed "prize". Many thanks to all who participated.

For food pairings we found offerings with similarly improbable names. There were four cheeses: The Drunken Goat, Hooligan (a soft stinky cheese ready for a brawl), Moses Sleeper and Red Witch. We also had Pigs in a Blanket and Orville Redenbacher's Poppycock. There was one respectable offering (really better than we deserved), a Tortilla española with aioli sauce, but since there was a mustache over the ñ it qualified.

First the white wines. They are presented in alphabetical order. The numbers denote the average name appeal / average drinkability score / combined total.

Armas de Guerra (Weapons of War) – 3.42 / 3.0 / 6.42 – Spain, 85% Doña Blanca, 15% Godello. The tasters noticed a sweet or floral aroma, and the taste response ranged from yummy, honey and floral to bitter esters and a saltiness that finished like contact solution.

Fat Bastard – 3.75 / 3.3 / 7.05 – France, Chardonnay. We either loved or hated the smoky nose. It had a bold, forward taste that some loved start to finish and others found sharp or harsh.

KungFu Girl – 3.64 / 3.36 / 7.0 – USA, Riesling. Many liked the honeydew aroma; the dissenter called it sophisticated grape soda. Most noticed the sweetness, and were either put off by it or found it not as typically sweet as an American Riesling. The favorable responses found it pleasant sipping and the best of all the whites.

Vineyard Salute, Flygirl White – 2.58 / 2.3 / 4.88 – USA, 52% Pinot Gris, 38% Viognier, 10% Roussanne. The wartime propaganda artwork had mixed appeal, but there were strong reactions to the aroma and taste: one liked the Moscato character, another called it "both sweet and ... jarring". It turned unflattering after that: "jet fuel perm solution" and "smells and tastes like a burnt tire".

Woop Woop – 3.67 / 2.55 / 6.22 – Australia, Chardonnay. We were expecting something rowdy out of this bottle, but the artwork on the label was just so, well, pretty. One drinker was surprised to find this was Australian because it was such a modest Chardonnay. Apparently "Woop Woop" is the equivalent for "the boonies" and tasters kept their distance.

Then the red wines:

Goats do Roam – 3.25 / 3.09 / 6.34 – South Africa, Red blend. The first impressions were favorable with notes of stone fruits and easy drinkability, but a second visit found it harsh, bitter and tannic.

Ménage à Trois – 3.25 / 3.36 / 6.61 – USA, Cabernet sauvignon. This is the one wine whose taste appeal exceeded its branding. The fans: Wow! Yum! Delish! The trolls: Flat. One-dimensional.

The Pope's Funny Hat – 3.42 / 2.45 / 5.87 – USA, Red blend, Châteauneuf-du-Pape style. This homemade wine by local garagistes Gavone Brothers was young, slightly watery and had a light pomegranate color. But it was also the most complex of the red entries. Several samplers were put off by the aroma, but I found an intriguing mixture of spiced plum, boot leather and toasted cheese (this would go great with a ratatouille parmesan). There were flavor notes of mocha that either drew you in or pushed you away. Perhaps this one had too much character for its own good.

Troublemaker – 3.5 / 2.7 / 6.2 – USA, Red blend. A bouquet of rubbing alcohol and airplane glue yielded to a spicy gasoline palate with a finish of cleaner. The most damning praise was "Agreeable, nice". This Troublemaker was ready to take on the Hooligan cheese.

Someone dropped a surprise on us with this write-in entry:

First-rate Old Fart – 3.63 / 2.13 / 5.76 – Italy, Red. There was an explosive shock appeal to the name, but for flavor this was a first-rate stinker. It smelled like an ashtray and tasted like ZaRex. Not surprisingly, this scored the lowest in drinkability.

The non-alcoholic Flying Cauldron Butterscotch Beer was almost entirely overlooked, but it earned a middle-of-the-road 3 / 3 / 6 and tasted like candy.

The results

Top three names: Fat Bastard, Woop Woop, KungFu Girl

Top three tastes: KungFu Girl & Ménage à Trois [tie], Fat Bastard

Top three combined scores:
Fat Bastard – 7.05
KungFu Girl – 7.0
Ménage à Trois – 6.61

The scorekeeper recused himself, disqualifying Fat Bastard, so the winner was:

KungFu Girl!

Amanda R. won an aerating pour spout and a Box of Boogers!